it’s been a week since my surgery and it went well, meaning i didn’t die and haven’t had any complications. am i pain-free? no.

i seriously thought relief would be instant, but i’m in the post-operative pain of the procedure.  i still have the symptoms of discs pressing on my nerves, but it’s supposed to get better in time.  could be weeks to months before i feel normal again.

as soon as i’m healthy, my gift to myself is to run a half-marathon.

i don’t remember too much about or after the surgery, i’m still being filled in. i do remember speaking with a nurse telling her that i did not need an oxygen mask and that i could breathe on my own.  that’s the last thing i remember about being on the table. i guess they had their way with me and put it on anyway.

my abdomen was also sore like i did 400 crunches.  i think i was beaten when they were trying to wake me up in the recovery room.  the nurse said they had trouble waking me up and that’s because the anesthesiologist allegedly gave me too much anesthesia. when she walked me to the operating room she commented on my height and probably confused as to the dosage, OD me.

then in recovery while hooked up to the heart monitor, the machine was screaming because my heart rate is low and the nurse thought i was a goner, performed CPR and beat the crap out of me. that’s my theory anyway about the sore abdomen.

i josh.

i envisioned a different after surgery scenario. i thought i would be down for a few days and then walking around outside with my camera for some exercise. not.  all i did, for the first five and a half days was eat, sleep and poop.  it wasn’t until day 6 that i didn’t feel like being in the bed all day.

i’m still taking it easy and spend most of the time in bed recovering.  hopefully, tomorrow,  i’ll be able to go for a walk, tho’ i’m itching for a run.

wait.  what am i training for?  um, i am training for an increased capillary development that will result in more blood volume, musculoskeletal enhancement and the advancement of my cardiothoracic system.  when translated: nothing.  i don’t even know what the heck that means, i stole it from a book.  i exercise because i like it, nuff said.

i was able to do a variety of cardio exercises (running, cycling and the elliptical) as well as weight training three days out of the week.  this is how it should be for me, though it doesn’t always work out this way.

february was not my month at all.  i’m still battling my health issues and working out when i feel like it. nine days ago i had a discogram and a CT scan.  here’s the email i sent out to those who care:

feeling okay, the discogram went well. although i thought the doctor would insert the needles from the back, they went straight through my neck from the front. i didn’t think that was cool, but okay. i remember being wheeled to the operating room, having my body transferred to the table, being strapped down and then fade to black.

at one point, i remember feeling like someone was standing over me with their hands around my neck choking me to death. i tried to remove their hands because i felt pain, or what doctors like to call pressure, but my hands were tied, literally.  i did the only thing i could do.  i cried; i gave up the fight and cried like a girl.

i woke up in the recovery room with a nurse handing me a package of blueberry little bites and a capri-sun.  cool, i’m hungry and haven’t eaten in hours.  i stuffed a muffin in my mouth and started to chew and chew and chew, but i couldn’t swallow!  i had a mouth full of chewed muffin with nowhere to go.

moments later, the nurse told me that there was nothing wrong with my esophagus, (*blink* hello, i can’t swallow solid foods) but it was swollen and the swelling would subside.  i was able to swallow liquids and washed down my mashed blueberry bites with my capri-sun. rinse and repeat.

i think i remember the doctor saying that they could NOT find the disc to mimic my pain, so i was sent for a CT scan down the street. my films were taken back to the doctor’s office and we will discuss them when my doctor returns from china. slightly discouraging news for me, i’m starting to wonder if they are looking in the right spot. 0_O [comment deleted]. i should know more on tuesday if surgery is suggested.

until then or until this issue is resolved, there is nothing i can do but carry on.

speaking of epidural, i’ve had three.  the first two did absolutely nothing! the third one was supposed to be the kicker, the one that did the trick and it worked, for all of 3.5 days. for three days, i slept and behaved like a normal person; heck, i thought i was normal up until saturday afternoon, then the pain returned and i went back to the walking wounded.

the doctor may give me one more shot and supposedly steroids also cause arthritis later.  guess what? i already have arthritis.  the only thing i fear more than arthritis is rigor mortis, so bring it on.

anyhoo, for now i will have to live in pain every day until someone offers a cure for my nerve damage.  i don’t want surgery, but i seriously can’t stay like this forever, i would be the first to check myself in to the loony bin.  i got the rocking back and forth part down already; i just need a room with a view.  it’s hard to function when all i can think about is pain, but someone told me to suck it up and that’s what i have been doing, with pills.

in between knocking back pain killers and sleeping pills while destroying my liver, (at least my corpse will win ‘best in shape’ at the morgue) i have been getting in some exercise. not my preferred exercise, but good enough.

i bought an exercise bike because my neck does not like the elliptical trainer. i do better enduring the pain while sitting on my rump and pedaling with my legs than i do using the elliptical every day.

i’m bothered by a low impact machine, weird i know.

in the past, i hated the bike because the calorie burn was so low in comparison to running or the elliptical trainer.  now that i know what i need to do to make my body burn calories and lose weight, i don’t stress over the numbers any more.

 it helps that i actually enjoy working out and i don’t do it just for weight loss.  the weight will come off, it’s just a matter of how i’m going to get it done. 

by the end of this month, i should be down 5 pounds plus, but i’m not counting the .x (ounces) anymore, whole numbers only. i’m quite positive i’ve added some muscle as well.  as regard my mid-section, i still have a four pack at the top and a keg at the bottom, but it’s looking  better.

running, however, doesn’t bother my neck as much, but every thing else that’s wrong with my body.  i’m slowly working running back into my fitness repertoire with short runs. 

hey isn’t that all i ever do is short runs. yeah, i have a point. 

the first mile is always the worse. i grimace, i limp, i hurt, but after i out run the kinks it feels great.  my legs are getting stronger too, thanks to the 155 miles i’ve logged this month on the bike.

i don’t want to run more than three times a week if i can help it and never back to back days for now.  hopefully, this will relieve some of the stress off my skeleton until i’m healthy again.  i rather my runs be short and consistent than not at all.

so that’s all i have to report for now. not really, i do have another post to publish soon. i probably say that a lot and i mean it, eventually.

some photos i took this week:

before my workout. this shirt is choking the breath out of me, but i will wear it to the gym and Nets games.

i routinely take photos of myself, not sure why probably because i have a crappy camera on my itouch and minutes to spare. the shirt i'm wearing could pass for fitted, but it's tight. broad upper body, weirdly proportioned.

once a day, several times a week this is what happens to my hands (sometimes feet). they turn beet red, hot and i suffer with the pins and needle feeling for hours. i flipping hate it.

i made my first pizza, a wheat pizza and it was yummy.

wait, did i mention that i have thee best chiro ever, long story short he pimped out my sweet tooth (teeth) and bought me a gift card to my favorite bakery. which is another reason why i’m glad i can do some running again. i’m not winning in the weight department, most of which is sitting around my middle, and if i keep eating sweets i will never see my janet jackson abs.

speaking of doctors, i have to share yet another horrible experience of mine (off the record, so huddle around).

last wednesday, i visited a new orthopedic doctor and he was no better than the last one i had. he could not read the MRI and said he saw “something” at C4 and C5, but wasn’t sure what.

he also did not agree with the report because he couldn’t follow it and said this particular company under reads MRIs and their findings are not always accurate or aggressive enough, which is why i went to him.

i know “something” does not feel right and i want a new MRI done. he said, “nah, i don’t think you need it. you can live with it, have surgery or go for epidural shots.”

wth.

i said, “i will not live with it and will take the epidural shots.” he threw me a prescription for the pain (at my request) as i walked out the door. i left his office upset, depressed and almost in tears, because i couldn’t believe he wasted all that time and money attending medical school.

and just how smart is my new doctor? he examined my left arm. i said, in my mind of course, it’s the right arm, you moron. i knew i was in trouble when he walked in looking 8 months pregnant and not wearing a t-shirt under his dress shirt.

i spent more time in his office filling out inefficient forms than i did speaking with him about how we are going to fix me. forms that asked the same darn questions over and over again, sometimes even on the same page.

he doesn’t know this, but i have a ph.d in poppycock and have been known to flip out on medical forms after i deem them ridiculous. on page 1, i play nice:

name: valerie
dob: 7-17
sex: f
address: 123 any street

on page 5, my eyelids are half-staff

name: still valerie
dob: see page 1
sex: not yet
address: same as page 1

on page 9 my left eye is shut and the right one is twitching

name: let’s see, i’m on page 9, you can call me pissed off
dob: i’m not a born again christian, see page 1
sex: this morning
address: haven’t moved from this chair

i spent at least 45 minutes waiting and filling out forms. i wasted 10 minutes listening to the doctor talk about a boat he just bought. another minute watching him type a text message. twenty minutes wondering why wasn’t wearing an undershirt, five minutes listening to him talk about golf with another patient and 5 minutes watching him and his assistant try to read my MRI.

so, in order to save what’s left of my sanity i decided not to spend any more time getting upset over incompetent doctors. i blame myself, too, for walking around like a person with no options, i am not at his mercy. if he can’t do what i want or answer my questions, i will find someone else. simple. in the meantime, i’m thankful for the prescription pain pills.

on thursday, i am scheduled to see the doctor who will administer the epidural shots. it’s only a consultation though, i don’t even get the darn shot until the following week, december 1st, if i’m fortunate. he’s only in the office on thursday and next thursday is a holiday.

end.

i was able to get in a few runs last week, at least three, several cross training workouts and a few weight lifting sessions. it felt great to be in the gym and running again.

i had no problems with my shins, but my right calf was a little tight after my 2nd run. i don’t anticipate this being a problem. i’m not running very fast outside or on the treadmill or even every day. i’d be content with getting my body used to the activity again and hope nothing breaks down in the process.

in odd news:  i’ve been mulling over the idea of becoming a personal trainer and certified nutritionist. i’m quite positive – on most days – that all i want to do is workout and eat; the two combined keep me happy.

on the other hand, i’m not sure how committed i can be to other people. i have too many rules: don’t call me during jeopardy; don’t call me on the weekends; don’t call me at night, don’t call me in the morning, etc. my attitude tells me i’m not ready to take this on full-time. part-time maybe and then only on certain days.

at least if people are not happy with my shoddy personal training services because i’m more interested in watching jeopardy or what’s going on with my itouch, i can explain i train people on the side and that my real degree is in poppycock. hmmm, maybe my orthopedic doctor is really a professional golfer who does surgery on the side. this would explain so much.

long story short: my shin pain is gone. the end.

long, boring, rambling story: i’m surprised how well my shins have responded, or not responded, to my running outside or on the treadmill. i don’t have too much of a problem running outside, though it hasn’t always been pain-free, i can make a lot more mistakes outside than i can inside before throwing in the towel. 

not sure why the treadmill is so exacting and outside is more forgiving, one would think it’d be the other way around, but that’s the way it is for me. hi my name is valerie.  

here’s what i’ve been up to since we last chatted:

day 7-10

i’ve continued with my regimen, (i.e. warming up, stretching, then running) and it seems to be working.  i haven’t had any shin pain since i changed my foot strike, which is so amazing!

i have noticed that since i’ve been running pain-free my body’s natural painkillers are m.i.a., obviously because i’m not in any (shin) pain and strangely i miss it. 

i always run with some degree of discomfort, shin pain was the worse, and felt the exact moment when the “workers” inside my body would say, “this woman is too stupid to listen to her body. send out the endorphins we haaaaave a runner.” 

tuesday morning i worked out on the elliptical machine and got my butt handed to me by the beast.  the entire 3 mile workout was a struggle. hated it.

wednesday afternoon i used the recumbent bike.  i don’t get much of a calorie burn driving ms. daisy, but my legs are getting stronger.

last thursday, and i guess monday for that matter, i deviated a little, running more miles than i planned.  my plan was to do one mile 4 days a week, and not put too much stress on my shins, but there was a man on the treadmill next to mine and i was not getting off first -  sometimes i can be competitive – and ran two additional miles.

friday, i warmed up on the recumbent bike and unlike a road bike, it’s a lot of work pedaling the entire time. i’m getting better at it and completed 4 miles in 17 minutes.  then i did a quick stretch and hopped on the treadmill for a fast one mile.  i thought my shins would surely bark at my speed, but not a yelp.

day 11-12

on saturday i gave my body a rest, not necessarily a day off, with an easy walk on the track and on sunday i used the elliptical. unfortunately, i didn’t get in a stretch either day. not sure why. things that make me go, hmmmmm.

day 13-19

i like to run on mondays, but didn’t feel like working out at all this day.  i took two flexeril on saturday and one again on sunday and was very tired.  i went to the gym anyway because i can at least plop my behind on a machine and go through the motions and that’s what i did.  i cycled four miles on the bike and then hit the weights.

tuesday i overslept but was able to squeeze in 3 miles on the elliptical.  not much going on, burned some calories and strengthened my legs.

wednesday  i warmed up on the recumbent bike and cycled for 5 miles.  my goal on the recumbent bike is 1 mile every 4 to 4.5 minutes. after the recumbent bike, i ran a mile on the treadmill.

thursday i did one of my favorite walk at home dvds with leslie sansone. it’s very easy for me to follow, 99% of the time after i’ve completed this workout i feel great and then i followed up with a stretch.

friday morning i rode the recumbent bike and did my usual stretch afterward.  then i hopped on the treadmill for a quick 3 mile run; shins were fine but when i pressed the fibula bone i felt some tenderness, but it wasn’t an issue while running. my arm wasn’t hurting too much so i did a mini upper/lower body workout.

on saturday (and sunday) i walked a little and not sure what happened, but by the afternoon my back was done.

day 20-22

monday i stayed home from work because my back was still hurting. actually, my entire body ached and i felt tired.  too weak to get dressed or maybe, like samson, my strength comes from hair and i just needed a perm. 

later that afternoon after my meds kicked in, i went for a walk as i did tuesday, wednesday and probably will be doing for the rest of the week.

day 23-27
back pain continued; i walked and did whatever exercise i could muster or didn’t hurt. 

i gave myself until the end of october to figure out my shin hurt, but surprisingly i only needed to see that i was heel striking (also not properly warming up and stretching) and made the necessary corrections. 

unfortunately, and because my name is valerie, the rest of my body is in no shape for me to run.  now ain’t that some shin!